Parenting and Worshiping

St. Stephanus Lutheran Church: Parenting and Worshiping

A mother of several youngsters was heard to remark, "If all I do is pass Crayolas back and forth, I'd rather stay home." What's a parent to do? Below are a few suggestions.

Before Worship

Pack a special "at church" bag. Include things like a small tablet and colored pencils, soft dolls and animals, a couple small picture books (preferably Bible stories). Add a surprise periodically. Do not include noisy munchies or sticky fluids, metal or hard plastic toys that could make noise or mar the pew, and markers/pens that could permanently mark the pews or hymnals.

Try to get ready for church on Saturday night so that Sunday morning can be more leisurely. Remember the child understands worship on an emotional level, not intellectual. Therefore, the emotions of Sunday mornings are very important. Make every effort to make Sunday morning relaxed, loving, and happy.

Pray for the worship service and all who will lead it with your child.

Visit the rest room immediately before sitting down in the pew. Insist the child attends the bathroom, whether or not he feels like it.

Sit near the front where very short people can see what is going on, even if you think you may have to leave.

During Worship

As the children's ages permits, engage them in what is happening at worship. Even a one-year old can periodically participate in the sharing of the peace, watch a baptism, or listen to music. By two, most children can definitely observe and enjoy what is going on up front, can fold their hands for prayer, and stand and sit at appropriate times. Beginning readers can start to use the hymnal by looking up page numbers and reading some of the words (parents can help them follow on by pointing their fingers at the words as they are sung or said). During sermon time, the children can read a Bible story book

Help your child listen for a key word, such as "Jesus."

If your child wiggles, avoid fretting; adults wiggle too!

Prepare an offering for your child. The youngest child can participate and it trains them that giving is also worship.

Participate joyfully! Your child will model your actions. She is learning more about God by your worship than she is from the sermon.

Sit near other parents with wiggly little ones at the front. They aren't nearly as apt to give you a disapproving look.

Point out the pulpit, altar, lectern, organ, and communion rail. Discuss how they are used.

Talk about the people who help during the service and mention the jobs they do (pastor, iector, ushers, organists, acolytes, etc.).

Discuss the different symbols and pictures in the stained glass windows.

After Worship

Greet the pastor at the door. Encourage your child to shake hands with the pastor. Lift the child up to eye level.

When in the car or at the supper table, talk about worship. Talk to what was positive and challenging.

Pray for the pastor and the teachers and all who were listed in the bulletin needing prayer.

During the Week at Home

Purchase a child's Bible. Read it at home during devotions or before bedtime. A child can be Biblically literate by the time he reaches kindergarten!

Purchase cassettes and video of Bible songs/stories.

Engage in service and witness projects with your children.

Play church at home. Set up all the stuffed animals and dolls in rows, and encourage the child to be the pastor. Make an "organ" from a carton for the child to "play." Practice "church behavior" such as listening, looking quietly at the books while the pastor is talking, whispering if you just have to say something, etc. Children who tell the toys to do these things, are more apt to do them themselves, because they have internalized the ideas.

Ask pastor for a tape of the liturgy and play it often in the car or home so that the children can learn the words and sing along.

A Final Encouragement

Don't be afraid to be helped. If someone offers to help you they are not saying, "You are a bad father or mother," but rather, "I'm glad you're here and want you to enjoy your time in worship too!"

Bepatient with yourself and others. Everyone has bad days, including children, including parents. What better place to spend a bad day than in church? There is not better time or place for us to learn about understanding, compassion, and steadfastness.

Whatever you do, maintain a positive attitude as much as possible. It will pay off in the long run. And the "long run" isn't that long-- the impressionable years of childhood are so short. Don't give up.

A child involved in power struggles with Mom and Dad can always win when they are in church. Lay the foundation outside of worship; explain why you go to church and what the child can do there. Say something like this: "We go to church to think about God and to pray to Him and to sing to Him. We can do this at home also, but it feels good to do it with other people. I need to do it. I need to listen to the sermon. Since you can't understand the pastor yet, let's plan on what you can do during the sermon. During that time, I cannot listen to you. But I know you can be quiet that long, doing your own things."

Smiles and cuddles are more powerful in shaping your child's behavior than are frowns and scolds. Remember, that toddlers will talk out loud and preschoolers will need to move a lot. Be realistic in what to expect. But in your expectations, be clear and positive. Lay down these expectations before worship.